


Adventures in Babysitting

by HamilFamBam (ThatOneGirl346)



Series: Hamilton Fam Bam Texting [9]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Babysitting, Multi, Platonic Cuddling, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27301465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirl346/pseuds/HamilFamBam
Summary: God? - GIVE ME AT LEAST ONE OF MY PARTNERS BEFORE I START CRYING I’M ALL ALONETJeffs - OKAY WAIT LIKE 10 SECONDS PLEASE HE’S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS TO EATGod? - :((((((((((God? - okay fine.God? - but where are you?TJeffs - red robinJMads - yUmMmGod? - oh coolTJeffs - I think he just decided he’s about to check his phoneGod? - YaY!!Little Lion - !Hercules!God? - !Alexander!God? - I’ve missed youLittle Lion - I miss you too
Relationships: Aaron Burr/Theodosia Prevost Burr, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, George Washington/Martha Washington, Maria Reynolds/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Series: Hamilton Fam Bam Texting [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815370
Comments: 14
Kudos: 79





	Adventures in Babysitting

**Author's Note:**

> okay sorry this took so long i'll explain in the end note but also I hope you enjoy! Its a l o t longer then normal
> 
> Also, Happy Halloween if you celebrate!! Its literally my favorite holiday and its currently almost 4 hours into it and I'm hyped my friends and I are going as the heathers and I'm gonna be macnamara and she's literally my icon I love her and anyways I'm rambling sorry 
> 
> ALSO I SPENT TEN FULL MINUTES COPYING THE FUCKING 45 PAGE DOCUMENT BEFORE MY FRIEND SAID "CAN'T YOU JUST USE CTRL A" AND NOW I'M GOING TO D I E MY FINGER HURTS SM I HATE MY LIFE I'M SO DUMB WTF

**Fam Bam Group Chat**

**Johnny Appleseed -** 911!

 **Johnny Appleseed -** please I need someone now

**JMads -** what’s up?

**Lizard Schuyler -** I have like three minutes to talk before Catherine figures out I’m not actually looking for her

**Angel Schuyler -** she’s three years old you’re such a bully. I might be doing the same thing with Nelia 2 

**Bebie Schuyler -** I’m organizing a crime ring with the triplets 

**Lizard Schuyler -** why haven’t we just had them to like, play with each other? We’re idiots,,,

**Johnny Appleseed -** ANYWAYS

**Lizard Schuyler -** lmao sry what's wrong

**Johnny Appleseed -** The basement at my Abuela’s house flooded Martha has a football game in a couple days and is like, nonstop training for it because she’s s c a r e d because its her first varsity game but won’t admit it and Henry broke his ankle like a month ago because he fell down the stairs because he’s an idiot and Jay is 12 and a fucking twig then Polly is like, seven so I have to go down there and help

**JMads -** I’m sorry about that but like, how does this constitute as a 911 emergency?

**Johnny Appleseed -** OH RIGHT!

 **Johnny Appleseed -** i need someone to watch Alex

**Angel Schuyler -** can’t you just like, bring him with you? Or like, have him stay home alone? Isn’t he like, a nineteen-year-old adult?? We leave Peggy home alone

**Johnny Appleseed -** My dad is a Human Leech and he has zero ideas that I have a boyfriend, let alone two boyfriends and a significant other and right now Alex is v e r y stressed and not doing good and needs supervision

 **Johnny Appleseed -** like by v e r y stressed I mean like, he’s barely responding after I took his laptop away, then had to take away his phone because he was working on that and now he’s rocking and crying and if I leave him alone who knows that’s gonna happen

**Lizard Schuyler -** I’m sorry about your dad

**Johnny Appleseed -** don’t be when I was sixteen I made a plan

 **Johnny Appleseed -** ANYWAYS, Alex. I need a place for him to stay for the weekend because Laf is Literally In France visiting Adrienne and Hercules is at a design lecture in all the way in New Jersey and Martha and George are in fucking Virginia

**Bebie Schuyler -** I would offer up our place but if you can’t tell we’re at home. Maria and susanna are here too but I think out dad is boring them to death with politics 

**Angel Schuyler -** I would say theo but her and aaron are on one of those ‘couples retreat’ thingys because they’re basic bitches

**Lizard Schuyler -** that leaves, you guessed it

**JMads -** us

**Bebie Schuyler -** our lives are like, a reality tv show

**Johnny Appleseed -** shit

 **Johnny Appleseed -** Madison you don’t have to do this you know that right?

 **Johnny Appleseed -** I can just take him with me and pray something doesn’t happen or like, ask the Washingtons or Hercules to come back early

 **Johnny Appleseed -** This might require you to wake up before six am

 **Johnny Appleseed -** he isn’t very responsive right now, and it might be worse when I’m gone

 **Johnny Appleseed -** plus like, there is a schedule

 **Johnny Appleseed -** this is a lot to ask I am so sorry

**JMads -** thomas might be a lil’ pissy about it but I will make it work

**Johnny Appleseed -** Thank you so much you don’t know how much this means to me

 **Johnny Appleseed -** I will find some way to pay you back I swear

**JMads -** don’t worry about it

 **JMads -** when are you going to drop him off?

**Johnny Appleseed -** I have like an hour and a half before my plane boards and an uber to your place will take like, ten minutes and i just google mapped it and it’ll take forty to the airport from there so like, can i be there in like twenty?

 **Johnny Appleseed -** I’m so sorry for the short notice

**JMads -** don’t be sorry I’m waking up Thomas now. He’s grumpy now

**Mario.A -** this feels so much like parents arranging a sleepover with like, two young children

**Johnny Appleseed -** thats because we are.

**TJeffs -** okay that was just r u d e

 **TJeffs -** also why is alex coming over!!

 **TJeffs -** James and I were going to cuddle this weekend! It isn’t fair!

**Mario.A -** does he realize???

**JMads -** no he doesn’t and don’t point it out because he just woke up and he gets grumpy when he wakes up early

**TJeffs -** rude.

**...**

  
  


**JMads -** OH MY GOD

 **JMads -** WHEN HE SAID SCHEDULE I DID NOT IMAGINE THIS

**Angel Schuyler -**????

**JMads -** THIS HAS IS SO FUCKING DETAILED

 **JMads -** IT’S ORGANIZED IN FIFTEEN MINUTE INCREMENTS

**Bebie Schuyler -** sweet jesus

**Johnny Appleseed -** I’m so sorry

 **Johnny Appleseed -** when people go away we have to schedule it out or else Lex gets extra stressed because his normal schedule is interrupted and without his normal schedule he would d i e because he has like 7 million classes

**Lizard Schuyler -** is that why he always plans things like a week in advance??

**Johnny Appleseed -** yee

**JMads -** don’t be sorry I just wasn’t expecting t h i s

**Johnny Appleseed -** it doesn’t have to be like, followed perfectly 

**Johnny Appleseed -** but like, can you try and get the bigger things like food and sleeping ect please

**JMads -** We will get almost this entire schedule perfect or I will jump off the roof.

**TJeffs -** wow that’s dramatic

 **TJeffs -** nice to know I’m rubbing off on you

**Johnny Appleseed -** thank you so much

**JMads -** it’s chill 

**JMads -** awh him and Thomas are cuddling this is so cute

**Lizard Schuyler -** aren’t they like, sworn enemies or something??

**JMads -** lmao yeah but also Alex looked really sad and Thomas hugged him then neither of them let go then they laid down and now they’re spooning 

**Johnny Appleseed -** if I don’t get pictures I’m going to stab you in your sleep.

 **Johnny Appleseed -** If Lafayette and Hercules were here they would require pictures too

**JMads -** don’t worry I have already taken like 17 I’m making an entire ass folder dedicated to just this this is my blackmail for next time they say they hate each other

**Bebie Schuyler -** mood

**God? -** oh my god I just read all of these and one, John good luck i love you

 **God? -** two, tell Alex I love and miss him and I’ll drive back early tomorrow bc this isn’t supposed to end till like 9:30 

**Johnny Appleseed -** I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!

 **Johnny Appleseed -** IT FEELS LIKE I HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN SEVEN YEARS

**God? -** I literally left like 4 hours ago

**Johnny Appleseed -** i’m so sorry that I love you

**JMads -** okay I told him and he fucking d i v e d to his bag looking for his phone I don’t think he realizes John gave it to me

**God? -** shut up you dumb hoe I fucking love you so fucking much 

**God? -** also pls give alex his phone I want to say hi I haven’t talked to him since like 2am when I forced him to sleep

**JMads -** just did

**Little Lion -** HERCULES

**God? -** ALEX

**Little Lion -** JOHN

**Johnny Appleseed -** ALEX

**Little Lion -** I haven’t seen either of you in y e a r s I miss you

**Johnny Appleseed -** i left like 20 minutes ago

**Little Lion -** bitch

**God? -** I miss you to lexi

**Bebie Schuyler -** this is disgustingly adorable.

 **Bebie Schuyler -** I hate it.

**God? -** shut up peggy

**Little Lion -** shut up peggy 

**Johnny Appleseed -** shush it the f u ck up peggy

**God? -** I have to go :((((

**Little Lion -** :((((

**Johnny Appleseed -** :(((

**God? -** I love you both! If I miss Laf someone has to tell them that I love them too bc idk when there are going to be like, breaks

**Little Lion -** will do

 **Little Lion -** love you to

**Johnny Appleseed -** I’m almost to the airport i gtg too

 **Johnny Appleseed -** love you guys

**Little Lion -** this is why i have abandonment issues.

**Mario.A -** no its not shut up your abandonment issues are bc you have fucking daddy issues

**Little Lion -** I’m feeling very attacked rn

 **Little Lion -** but also love you john

**JMads -** he just groaned v v loud and fucking fell to the ground

**TJeffs -** like he didn’t even catch his fall he just fe l l

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh yeah he does that when he’s sad

**Bebie Schuyler -** he once almost broke his nose doing it

**TJeffs -** jesus christ all mighty on a shit stick

**JMads -** i’m snatching this bitch up rn Thomas go make food i’m hungry

**TJeffs -** why do I have to make food

**JMads -** I’m cuddling Alexander

**TJeffs -** i’m making freaking mac and cheese the only way you can stop me is by making food yourself

**JMads -** honestly i kinda want mac and cheese

**TJeffs -** good

 **TJeffs -** do you want the unicorn or the Frozen one?

**JMads -** make them both bc alex is here and according to the Schedule he hasn’t eaten breakfast yet

**Bebie Schuyler -** why do two grown adult males have unicorn and Frozen mac and cheese??

**TJeffs -** I will physically fight you the shapes are better then the regular ones

**Angel Schuyler -** they taste the same?

**TJeffs -** ignored

 **TJeffs -** unfriended

 **TJeffs -** reported

 **TJeffs -** blocked

**Angel Schuyler -** ru d e 

**JMads -** its so weird cuddling someone who’s close in height to me wtf 

**JMads -** like when i’m the big spoon for thomas it feels like i’m fucking jet packing but with alex he just like, fits in my arms

**TJeffs -** i feel the same when Laf and I cuddle like height makes a big difference that you never realize until its happening

**Bebie Schuyler -** i feel you james

**Angel Schuyler -** i don’t think I’ve ever cuddled with someone taller than me its normally just eliza and peggy and theo

**Lizard Schuyler -** Hercules and I cuddles once and it was weird bc he’s taller then Angelica and v v muscly but he was the little spoon and it felt w e i r d

**JMads -** when did you and Hercules cuddle????

**Lizard Schuyler -** last new years when we all passed the fuck out on the floor right after midnight

 **Lizard Schuyler -** alex kneed him in the face like twice and I felt bad bc he looked like he was about to cry so I moved over and made room for him and we ended up cuddling

**Angel Schuyler -** I have zero memories from that night

**Bebie Schuyler -** thats because you and Theo both got shit faced then started making out then passed out while in the middle of making out

**Angel Schuyler -** Oh yeah I have vague memories of almost making out with theo then her pulling away and asking aaron if it was okay and then us kissing and thats it. I didn’t even realize it was that night

**TJeffs -** wait do they have an open relationship?? How did I not know about this

**Angel Schuyler -** no 

**Angel Schuyler -** Theo and i just like to make out

 **Angel Schuyler -** we did it once when we were drunk then spent like 7 hours apologizing to aaron when we sobered up and he said he was fine with it and now we just kinda make out every once in a while

 **Angel Schuyler -** we check with aaron first tho bc we dont want him to be like, upset

**TJeffs -** ooh

**JMads -** oh yeah I meant to ask why is maria with you at your parents?

**Lizard Schuyler -** bc she’s moving in in a month but our dad wanted to meet bc he pays out rent and stuff and he wanted to like, be an awkward dad and make sure she’s a good girlfriend or some shit like that

**JMads -** oh makes sense

 **JMads -** hows it going?

**Lizard Schuyler -** v v good 

**Lizard Schuyler -** she was very nervous that my family wouldn’t like her or think bad things of her bc of susanna but they all love her already 

**Lizard Schuyler -** the only problem was the 7 freaking years it took to get Susannas car seat in the car

**JMads -** alex just saw your message and said “car seats are a fucking bitch” and now he’s just giving off an entire ass angry vibe

**Angel Schuyler -** he’s not wrong it took all three of us while Maria laughed at us for struggling

 **Angel Schuyler -** in the end we couldn’t figure it out and she did it in like 4 seconds it was embarrassing

**Mario.A -** it was hilarious

 **Mario.A -** also Susanna and Peggy became bffs on the drive it was adorable tell Alex I’ll show him the video later

**JMads -** he just mumbled “yay” and shoved his face in a pillow

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao my s o n

**TJeffs -** both pots of mac and cheese are done come get food

**JMads -** alex and I have both decided that we don’t want to stand so bring it to us

**TJeffs -** you can’t eat laying down get up

**JMads -** no

**TJeffs -** yes

**JMads -** no

**Angel Schuyler -** you guys are literally children

**JMads -** rUde

**TJeffs -** what if I carried you both to the table

**JMads -** one moment

**TJeffs -** I hate you

**Lizard Schuyler -** you’re both ridiculous

**JMads -** alex and I have decided that you can but only if you’re able to carry both of us without dropping us bc we think it’d be funny

**TJeffs -** fiiiineeee

**Angel Schuyler -** lmao tell me how this ends up

**JMads -** okay I will

**Mario.A -** hey schuylers?

**Bebie Schuyler -** yes?

**Mario.A -** I’m lost 

**Bebie Schuyler -** h o w 

**Mario.A -** idk I was talking to your parents in the kitchen and I excused myself to check on anna and now I have no idea where I am

**Lizard Schuyler -** just follow the screaming

**Mario.A -** I tried and that’s how I got lost

**Lizard Schuyler -** lmao okay me peggy cornelia 1 and john 1 have started looking for you

**Angel Schuyler -** I would look but i’m not apparently in charge of the 17 million children

**Lizard Schuyler -** shut up there are only 8 kids under 10 plus Suzie which makes it only 9 kids

 **Lizard Schuyler -** and you have one of the johns with you

**Mario.A -** why do so many of your siblings have the same name?? I’m never going to be able to remember who’s who oh my god I’m going to die

**Angel Schuyler -** none of us know don’t worry you’ll figure it out eventually

**Mario.A -** asnrewknslkdkj

**Bebie Schuyler -** what floor are you on?

**Mario.A -** I have no idea

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh my god

**Bebie Schuyler -** we’ll find you eventually

**Mario.A -** I’m so scared rn

**JMads -** OH MY GOD HE DID IT

**Angel Schuyler -** lmao really??

**JMads -** yeah what the f U c k whY is my boyfriend that strong i’m so confused

**TJeffs -** you both weigh like three pounds together

**JMads -** just so you know you dick head I weigh the normal weight for someone my height

**TJeffs -** what is it, two pounds??

**Little Lion -** are trying to say that i only weight one pound 

**Little Lion -** i’m salty 

**TJeffs -** am I wrong??

**Little Lion -** I will fist fight you

**TJeffs -** can you even reach?

**JMads -** stop or I’ll put you both in fucking time out

**TJeffs -** rude

**Little Lion -** ew i hate it here

 **Little Lion -** i just wanna go home and cuddle my SOs

**JMads -** :((( I’m sorry

**Bebie Schuyler -** alex, my baby, I’m so sorry

**Little Lion -** its fine

**Lizard Schuyler -** I FOUND MARIA

 **Lizard Schuyler -** SHE WAS IN THE UNDER THE STAIRS CUPBOARD THINGY IN THE FRONT STAIRS TELL CORNELIA 1 AND JOHN 1 TO STOP LOOKING

 **Lizard Schuyler -** oh i’m sorry alex

**Bebie Schuyler -** how the fuck did she end up there??

**Mario.A -** I HAVE NO IDEA

**Angel Schuyler -** come back to the playroom Susanna’s wondering where you are

**Mario.A -** tell her I’m coming

**Angel Schuyler -** well come faster bc she just locked herself in a closet and is refusing to come out

**Mario.A -** shit okay what happened

**Angel Schuyler -** literally the only thing that happened was my parents walked into the room.

**Lizard Schuyler-** she just took off running

**Angel Schuyler -** ik she just ran in and now she’s in the closet with Susanna and I hear crying I can’t tell who its from

**Bebie Schuyler -** wait guys

 **Bebie Schuyler -** remember how we all look like the actor who played us

**Lizard Schuyler -** yeah?

**Bebie Schuyler -** the same actor played our dad and james reynolds

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh s h i t 

**Mario.A -** its fine we’re fine I just had to calm her down

 **Mario.A -** she knows that they’re different people he just startled her

**Angel Schuyler -** I can ask my dad to leave the room

**Mario.A -** no it’ll be fine don’t worry about it

**Lizard Schuyler -** are you sure honey?

**Mario.A -** like a solid 97%

**Lizard Schuyler -** tell me if something happens okay

**Mario.A -** thank you

**Lizard Schutler -** course boo

**JMads -** one, maria even tho I'm not there I'm always here to text if you need it

 **JMads -** two, alex wont eat his breakfast even though its on the schedule and I figured since his signifs aren’t available y’all would be able to make him eat

**Mario.A -** thank you James

**Lizard Schuyler -** I got this one

**Bebie Schuyler -** you go glen coco

**Angel Schuyler -** I hate you

**Bebie Schuyler -** no you don't

**Angel Schuyler -** bitch

**Bebie Schuyler -** cu n t

**Lizard Schuyler -** Alexander James Hamilton if you don’t eat I will drive all the way back and fucking spoon feed it to you.

 **Lizard Schuyler -** also Peggy and Angie shut up

**Little Lion -** I’m not hungry

**Lizard Schuyler -** when was the last time you ate?

**Little Lion -** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,i don’t remember

**Lizard Schuyler -** and why not

**Little Lion -** bc lafayette left after classes and I missed him and don't remember if I slept through dinner or not and ik someone made me lunch yesterday but I don't think I ate it and I didn't eat breakfast bc I was late

**Lizard Schuyler -** a l e x a n d e r 

**Lizard Schuyler -** h o n e y

 **Lizard Schuyler -** you need to eat

**Little Lion -** I don't wannaaa

**Lizard Schuyler -** please at least eat half of it

**Little Lion -** fine

**Lizard Schuyler -** thank you

 **Lizard Schuyler -** were about to have a full family nerf gun fight so we gtg but call any of us if you need anything okay?

 **Lizard Schuyler -** love you

**Little Lion -** love you too

**JMads -** have fun y'all <333

**Bebie Schuyler -** <3 <3 <3

**...**

**Bebie Schuyler -** i hate life so much

**Angel Schuyler -** same.

**Mario.A -** you're just salty that I won

**Lizard Schuyler -** I want to break up

**Angel Schuyler -** you cheated anyways

**Mario.A -** you all literally had partners too

**Bebie Schuyler -** yeah but Susanna was fucking s t e a l t h y like wtf she's 4

**Mario.A -** it's called a fearful upbringing

**Lizard Schuyler -** Im sorry

**Mario.A -** don't be she was too young to remember

**Lizard Schuyler -** still :((((

**Mario.A -** ANYWAYS

 **Mario.A -** @james how's it going?

**JMads -** Im about to jump off a cliff.

**Angel Schuyler -** it can't be that bad

**JMads -** oh yes it can

**Bebie Schuyler -** what happened??????

**JMads -** so on the Schedule™ it had shopping and Im assuming it's bc they need food but we went grocery shopping last week and don't need to go shopping so we just went to payless bc we didn't know where else to go

**Angel Schuyler -** why payless??

**Mario.A -** i love payless

 **Mario.A -** that's were I get mine and suzie's shoes lmao they have cheap shoes but they aren't crappy cheap shoes they're Quality cheap shoes

**JMads -** thats what Alex said bc he didn't want to see, and I quote "those 7 billion dollar shoes you wear I'm to fucking poor for that" so now we're at payless

**Angel Schuyler -** how can looking at shoes be that bad tho???

**JMads -** oh I'm getting there

 **JMads -** so bc were all dumb and don't know our shoe sizes we had to do the measuring thingy

 **JMads -** thomas had normal "I'm 6'4" sized feet

 **JMads -** i had normal shot guy feet

 **JMads -** but A l e x a n d e r here wears a size 4.5 in k i d s

**Bebie Schuyler -** same

**Lizard Schuyler -** w ha t

**JMads -** it gets worse

 **JMads -** instead of looking at the men's shoes he goes to the childrens section without telling me and Thomas ALSO wanders off and I'm stuck trying to find them

**Angel Schuyler -** can relate my siblings are dumb

**JMads -** I found thomas first

**Bebie Schuyler -** ABso lU t e L y rude

**JMads -** he was looking at a pair of fucking magenta fucking heelys

**Lizard Schuyler -** a true icon of this generation

**JMads -** I literally just told him maybe and forced him to help me look for Alex

 **JMads -** guess what he was looking at

**Bebie Schuyler -** lmao what

**JMads -** twinkle toes.

**Bebie Schuyler -** I love him.

**Angel Schuyler -** I swear to god he’s the reason i’m going to go gray by 30

**JMads -** he wants them oh my god

**Little Lion -** DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS IN FRANCE

 **Little Lion -** I NEED ONE OF MY SUGAR DADDIES

**Mario.A -** you did not just call them that

**Little Lion -** AM I WRONG

**French Fry -** hello alexander

**Little Lion -** LAFAYETTE

 **Little Lion -** JUST WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING I LOVE AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH AND I CAN’T WAIT TILL MONDAY WHEN I GET TO SEE YOU AGAIN I LOVE YOU

**French Fry -** I LOVE AND MISS YOU EVEN MORE I CANT WAIT TILL MONDAY EITHER

**Little Lion -** ALSO HERCULES SAYS THAT HE LOVES YOU BC HE DOESN’T KNOW WHEN HE GETS BREAKS AND STUFF AND HE’S SCARED HE’LL MISS YOU

**French Fry -** I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE

 **French Fry -** MY HEART IS B U R S T I N G WITH LOVE

**Little Lion -** I KNOW RIGHT

 **Little Lion -** A L S O

 **Little Lion -** TELL ADRIENNE HELLO AND THAT I LOVE HER AND THAT LEGALLY WE NEED TO MET IN PERSON SOON

**French Fry -** OKAY ITS DONE SHE SAYS BONJOUR AND “DIS LUI QUE JE L'AIME”

**Little Lion -** i love adrienne

 **Little Lion -** OKAY ONE MORE THING

 **Little Lion -** CAN I SPEND $30

**French Fry -** John and I literally have a separate bank account just for you and Hercules so you don’t have to worry about money this is what it is for

**Little Lion -** they’re shoes i wanted to ask bc you could say no because you aren’t technically responsible for me

**French Fry -** buy whatever you want, love

**Little Lion -** thank uuuuuuu

 **Little Lion -** @Maria my sugar daddies better then your sugar momma

 **Little Lion -** wait is there a nonbinary term for sugar daddy bc i feel bad misgendering you even though you said it was okay

**Mario.A -** Eliza is not my sugar momma

**French Fry -** I’m perfectly comfortable with sugar daddy if thats what you and hercules call me because i know your not doing it to be mean

**Lizard Schuyler -** nono let the man talk how do i become better @alex what are the standards?

**Mario.A -** e l i z a n o 

**Lizard Schuyler -** e l i z a y e s 

**JMads -** he’s trying on the twinkle toes i hate life

**Bebie Schuyler -** @alex are you willing to s h a r e ? ? ? 

**Angel Schuyler -** oh god

**Little Lion -** I literally steal your shoes all the time if i wasn’t willing to share it would be kinda mean tbh 

**Bebie Schuyler -** YASSSSSS

**Little Lion -** THEY FIT PERFECTLY I’M WEARING THESE EVERYWHERE

**TJeffs -** IF HE GETS TO GET THE TWINKLE TOES CAN I GET THE HEELYS PLEASE

**JMads -** I hate my life.

 **JMads -** fine.

**TJeffs -** OH MY GOD THANK YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

**JMads -** some lady is just glaring at alex whos just kind of stomping around making them light up 

**JMads -** i’m prepared to cut a bitch

**French Fry -** do it.

 **French Fry -** no one glares at my alexander.

 **French Fry -** cut off her head.

**JMads -** lmao okay nevermind she looked like she was going to come up and say something but then Thomas came over and she looked slightly scared and is now staying on the other end of the isle with her son

**Little Lion -** Tol Boi™ to the rescue

**JMads -** oh my Tol Boi™ heelyed away we’re no longer safe

**French Fry -** Will come murder her

**Angel Schuyler -** same bitch 

**Little Lion -** why is this lady taller than James wtf she towers over us

**TJeffs -** I FELL I’M TRYING TO GET BACK I’LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE

**JMads -** h EL p 

**JMads -** she’s lecturing us on how we don’t set a good example for children and how boys shouldn’t be wearing girls shoes

**Little Lion -** i think she thinks we’re children

**JMads -** wait if she thinks we’re children does that mean she thinks thomas is our father?

**TJeffs -** no.

**JMads -** ~~daddy~~

**TJeffs -** okay I’ll just not come save you

**JMads -** wait please she’s yelling now

**TJeffs -** I can hear her from across the store I’m r u n n i n g now

**JMads -** thank you

**French Fry -** I WILL LITERALLY GET ON A PLANE RIGHT NOW KEEP HER THERE FOR THE NEXT 7 HOURS

**Little Lion -** no you’re spending time with Adrienne and apparently meeting family no one ever told you you had before

**French Fry -** asdfsdkjlhg

**JMads -** thomas just fucking heelyed back and now he’s literally calling himself our father and arguing with her about how she can’t yell at her children

**Lizard Schuyler -** what the fuck is even happening

**JMads -** I have no idea

**Little Lion -** she just went to get an employee wtf

**TJeffs -** I hate this woman.

**Little Lion -** side note, james u should get a pair and we can twin

**JMads -** I hate you

**Little Lion -** no you don’t

**Bebie Schuyler -** do it jimmy james

**JMads -** I hate you.

**Bebie Schuyler -** we’re literally two of your best friends shut up

**Little Lion -** pleaseeeeeeee

**JMads -** I’ll try on a pair and see if I like them

**Bebie Schuyler -** YASSSSSSSSSSSSS

**Little Lion -** YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **Little Lion -** Omy god he’s trying on a pair this is the best day of my life

**Lizard Schuyler -** sometimes I worry about your sanity

**Bebie Schuyler -** whos?

**Lizard Schuyler -** all of you

**JMads -** okay these are actually kind of comfy

**Angel Schuyler -** the only sane one, gone like the wind

**Little Lion -** I TOLD YOU!! aND THEY TWINKLE ON THE SIDE STAR TOO

**French Fry -** you’re adorable

**Bebie Schuyler -** OH MY GOD I’M STEALING THSEE

**JMads -** I love them

**Mario.A -** wait none of you are allwed to wear them around Susanna she’s been asking for a pair and I can’t get her a pair until christmas

**Little Lion -** as her godfather

**Mario.A -** you’re not technically her godfather

**Little Lion -** A s h e r g o d f a t h e r

 **Little Lion -** I feel like I should be allowed to get her a matching pair too

**Mario.A -** ,,,,,

**Little Lion -** if laf says okay then I’ll get you a pair too

**French Fry -** go ahead

**Mario.A -** she wears a size 9 in like toddlers or whatever the fuck it's called

 **Mario.A -** I wear a 7.5

**Bebie Schuyler -** w A I t

**Little Lion -** I’ll get you a pair too

**Bebie Schuyler -** YASSSSSS

**JMads -** ELIZA WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR

**Lizard Schuyler -** Like a 7 and a half

**JMads -** we’re getting you a pair

**Little Lion -** OKAY WE’RE BUYING EVERYONE WHO HAS CHILD SIZED FEET A PAIR WHO ELSE HAS SMALL FEET

**JMads -** WHAT SIZE ARE YOU ANGELICA 

**Little Lion -** DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT SIZE MARTHA OR THEODOSIA ARE 

**Angel Schuyler -** i wear a 10 in womens

 **Angel Schuyler -** theodosia wears a size 8 in womens and martha wears a 8 and a half

**Little Lion -** WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF WE GOT SALLY A PAIR

**Bebie Schuyler -** she would want to pay you back but you should get her a pair anyway she wears a 7

**Little Lion -** WE HAVE S O M A N Y P A I R S O F S H O E S 

**JMads -** I FEEL LIKE WE'RE TAKING AWAY A CHILD'S DREAM

**Little Lion -** THEY'LL BE RESTOCKED SOON ITS F INE

**TJeffs -** they're making me carry all of these boxes I hate you all

 **TJeffs -** There are like 10 boxes rn

**JMads -** an employee is just staring at us as we take all of these fucking sketchers

**Little Lion -** she just hatin’ cuz she ain’t us

**JMads -** she looks like she hates her job

**Little Lion -** I have five dollars in my wallet she deserves it she looks v v nice but also v v sad

**French Fry -** you’re adorable I love you sm

**Little Lion -** awh her name is Katherine and she’s only like 16 I love her

 **Little Lion -** can I adopt her?

**French Fry -** you’re only like 3 years older than;’ her no

**Lizard Schuyler -** you’re literally so nice to people wtf

**Little Lion -** ik what its like to have shitty jobs Ican relate to this woman

**JMads -** alex are we going halfziez on these shoes bc thomas made it up to the counter finally

**Little Lion -** yes I’m coming give me a minute

**Mario.A -** its so weird actually seeing the word yes 

**Bebie Schuyler -** ikr most people don’t actually use the word yes they use a variation of it

**French Fry -** I use the word yes all the time

**Little Lion -** its bc non-native english speakers learn to use the word yes over variations

**Lizard Schuyler -** wait I thought english was your first language??

**Little Lion -** tbh I don’t know what my first language is I just came out of the womb a polyglot

**French Fry -** you’re just all kinds of poly

**Angel Schuyler -** wait how many languages do you speak

**Little Lion -** I’m fluent in english french and spanish. I can speak Danish but I’m not fluent and I know Hebrew. Plus idk the creole is kinda a different language like if you heard it then you wouldn’t know what I w as saying

**Mario.A -** h o w 

**Little Lion -** idk brb tho i’m bouta spend all my sugar daddies money on shoes

**Bebie Schuyler -** spoken like a true sugar baby

**Mario.A -** amend sista

**Lizard Schuyler -** damn I really do need to step up my game

**French Fry -** fight me girl i’m the best sugar daddy here

 **French Fry -** like i’m better then john bc john is spending his dads “allowance” money on us and you would also be spending your families money

 **French Fry -** I am the top dog bc I have unlimited money to spend on my loves 

**Lizard Schuyler -** my goal in life now is to out sugar momma you

**French Fry -** you can try but you won’t succeed

**Angel Schuyler -** I want new friends.

**Bebie Schuyler -** no you dontttttt

**French Fry -** you wuv usss

**Angel Schuyler -** goodbye.

**Lizard Schuyler -** actually that was perfect timing collect the Children lunch is ready

**Bebie Schuyler -** save me.

**...**

**God? -** GIVE ME AT LEAST ONE OF MY PARTNERS BEFORE I START CRYING I’M ALL ALONE

**TJeffs -** OKAY WAIT LIKE 10 SECONDS PLEASE HE’S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE WANTS TO EAT

**God? -** :((((((((((

 **God? -** okay fine.

 **God? -** but where are you?

**TJeffs -** red robin

**JMads -** yUmMm

**God? -** oh cool

**TJeffs -** I think he just decided he’s about to check his phone

**God? -** YaY!!

**Little Lion -**!Hercules!

**God? -**!Alexander!

 **God? -** I’ve missed you

**Little Lion -** I miss you too

 **Little Lion -** how is the fashion seminar thingy?

**God? -** it’s really good

 **God? -** hows thomas and James?

**Little Lion -** I hate James he is no longer in my top three best friends

**God? -** lmao what did he do?

**Little Lion -** he wont let me work on schoolwork 

**God? -** you’re literally two months ahead

**Little Lion -** wow okay no longer in my top four favorite partners

**God? -** w h a t

**Little Lion -** suck it

 **Little Lion -** oh the waitors here brb love you

**God? -** love you too

**Mario.A -** THE SCHUYLER FAMILY SCARES ME SO MUCH

**God? -** what's happening?

**Mario.A -** every single person has and knows how to play an instrument

**God? -** o h

**Mario.A -** IT GETS WORSE

**God? -** o H

**Mario.A -** THEYRE ALL PLAYING TOGETHER

**God? -** O H

 **God? -** aren't there like 15 Schuyler children???

**Mario.A -** y E S

 **Mario.A -** it's so loud

 **Mario.A -** but so cute

 **Mario.A -** like even the little little kids are playing and Ms. Schuyler is sitting with them and helping them keep up

**God? -** that's so cute oh my god

**Mario.A -** the only ones who are kind of struggling are Catherine who's 3 and Cortlandt who's 5

**God? -** how do you just know their names and ages that quickly

**Mario.A -** bc susanna is perfectly in between them and they became bffs

**God? -** awhhh!!!

**Mario.A -** okay Mr. Schuyler just told me the piece is almost done

 **Mario.A -** oh no.

**God? -** what?

**Mario.A -** susanna just asked mr. Schuyler if she could learn something so that she could "be just like Liza and Angie and Peggy!"

 **Mario.A -** and he just said "well that's up to your mom"

 **Mario.A -** Im to poor for fucking music lessons let alone and instrument oh my god

**God? -** oh yikes

**Mario.A -** wow i’m a shit parent

**God? -** just because you don’t have like, a shit ton of money like the schuyler family doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent

**Mario.A -** oh there done their prob gonna check their phones

**Bebie Schuyler -** I will literally give her free lessons we have multiple child sized instruments in the attic we can find one her size

**Angel Schuyler -** I’ll give her lessons too

**Lizard Schuyler -** if you’ve somehow missed it there is literally a piano in our living room the least I can do is give her piano lessons

**God? -** why are y’all so nice wtf??

**Mario.A -** I’m about to start crying in the middle of your living room

 **Mario.A -** you do n o t need to do any of that

**Bebie Schuyler -** to late I just texted my mom about it and she said she’ll measure susanna and get the right size for her as long as it doesn’t make you uncomfy

**Mario.A -** I don’t want to take advantage of you

 **Mario.A -** like y’all already give me so much I don’t want it to seem like I’m dating liza for her money bc I’m not

**Lizard Schuyler -** you literally never ask me for anything there are exactly zero signs that you’re using me for my money and we have prior knowledge on what its like **cough cough** john fucking church **cough cough**

**Angel Schuyler -** WE DON’T SPEAK HIS NAME 

**Lizard Schuyler -** sry

**TJeffs -** okay we have Finished ordering and if you w a n t e d ik violin and am more then willing to help her learn I haven’t met her yet but also, we’re friends and all that

**Angel Schuyler -** to late I claimed it 

**TJeffs -** ,,,,,i can,,,,,,assist,,,,,,because angelica scares me,,,,,,,,

**Little Lion -** I WOULD L O V E TO TEACH MY GOD DAUGHTER PIANO PLS LET ME HELP @ELIZA

**Lizard Schuyler -** i mean, i don’t see why not

**Little Lion -** YASSSSSS

**Bebie Schuyler -** OKAY SO WE’RE DOING THIS SOMEONE COLLECT THE CHILD WE’RE GOING TO THE ATTIC

**Mario.A -** wait I feel bad

**Lizard Schuyler -** She’s literally right next to me I got her

**Angel Schuyler -** maria we won't do this if it makes you uncomfortable, but literally all of us would die for your daughter and are more than willing to do this

**Mario.A -**.... 

**Mario.A -** okay

**Bebie Schuyler -** OH THANK GOD YOU SAID YES MOM AND I ARE ALREADY UP THE STAIRS

**Mario.A -** wait tho like, would three instruments be too much for a child?? She’s 4

**Lizard Schuyler -** I mean like, since she’s 4 we’re not going to be like, super in depth teaching

**Mario.A -** okay

**Little Lion -** YASSSSS

**God? -** I’ve honestly just kinda been stalking this conversation but I gtg love all y’all

**Little Lion -** :((((

 **Little Lion -** love you

**Mairo.A -** thank you hercules <333

**Bebie Schuyler -** byeeeee<3

**Angel Schuyler -** STOP TALKIGN AND HELP ME FIND FUCKING CASES

**TJeffs -** why don’t you keep your instruments in cases normally wtf

**Bebie Schuyler -** bc we have like, at least two of each size so they’re either hanging up or on a racks in the strings room

 **Bebie Schuyler -** then the band instruments are in the band room

 **Bebie Schuyler -** then a l l cases are in the cases room

**Mario.A -** wtf

**Little Lion -** rich people are weird as fuck

**Bebie Schuyler -** I FOUND ONE 

**Bebie Schuyler -** WAIT MOM SAID SHE WOULD USE A 1/10 RIGHT?????

**Lizard Schuyler -** yee

**Bebie Schuyler -** OKAY YES I GOT ONE ITS ONE OF THE HARD CASES TO SO S AF E T Y

**Angel Schuyler -** IS IT VIOLIN OR CELLO??!!?!?!?!

**Bebie Schuyler -** cello

 **Bebie Schuyler -** I vaguely remember putting this sticker on this case I think this was mine??

**Angel Schuyler -** probably seeing as there are only three cello players in this entire family 

**Bebie Schuyler -** OH MY GOD TEHERE ARE

 **Bebie Schuyler -** HOW DID I JUST NOW NOTICE THAT

**Lizard Schuyler -** your literally so oblivious lmao

**Angel Schuyler -** lmao there's only 2 violas in our entire family

**TJeffs -** can we all mutually agreed that violas suck

**Angel Schuyler -** yeah

**Lizard Schuyler -** definitely

**Bebie Schuyler -** yee

**Little Lion -** yes

**JMads -** okay stop bullying an entire instrument

**TJeffs -** it deserves it

**Lizard Schuyler -** it does

**JMads -** :((((

 **JMads -** i played viola in middle school

**TJeffs -** I want to break up

**JMads -** what's so wrong with the viola?????

**Angel Schuyler -** tbh there's nothing really wrong with it it's just easy to make fun of

**JMads -** :(((((

**Bebie Schuyler -** IM DOING ALL THE WORK HERE I JUST FOUND A VIOLIN CASE BUT IS UNDER LIKE, OTHER CASES SOMEONE HELP ME

**Angel Schuyler -** I'm coming you weak little thing

**Bebie Schuyler -** r U D E

**Little Lion -** you're not even talking to me and I take offense

**JMads -** same

**Mario.A -** sameee

**Bebie Schuyler -** shut up james you have m u s c l e s

 **Bebie Schuyler -** we don’t

**JMads -** its not my fault you all declined that time i asked if you wanted to go to the gym with me

**Little Lion -** I can’t walk up the stairs without getting winded how the fuck do you think I would work out

**Mario.A -** I feel that in my soul

**Little Lion -** shut up your apartment is on the fifth fucking floor I have to sit down and take breaks just trying to get to the door

**Mario.A -** wait really??

**Little Lion -** yEs

**Mario.A -** lmao rip you

**Little Lion -** I’m so happy the schuylers building has an elevator this is going to make my life so much easier

**Bebie Schuyler -** if there wasn’t an elevator I wouldn’t have moved in with eliza and angelica I literally would have gotten my own apartment somewhere with an elevator

**Lizard Schuyler -** wow is our sisterhood only based on the fact that we have an elevator

**Bebie Schuyler -** 100%

**Angel Schuyler -** I feel so betrayed what the fuck

 **Angel Schuyler -** I thought we were s i s t e r s 

**Angel Schuyler -** but now i just find out youre using us for our elevator

**Bebie Schuyler -** I would say sorry but like,,,, I’m not

**Lizard Schuyler -** w o w 

**JMads -** oh shit our foods here lmao be back later sorry

**Mario.A -** beeeeeeeee

 **Mario.A -** wish me luck

**JMads -** luck

**Angel Schuyler -** square up you elevator seeking hoe

**Bebie Schuyler -** i freaking will

**...**

**JMads -** IF THEY GET INTO ONE MORE ARGUMENT I’M GOING TO CRY

**Little Lion -** ITS NOT MY FAULT HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM

**TJeffs -** ITS NOT MY FAULT ALEX IS WRONG

**Little Lion -** NO I’M NOT YOU’RE JUST AN IGNORANT RICH KID WHO LIVES OFF DADDIES MONEY 

**TJeffs -** TAKE THAT BACK

**Little Lion -** NO I’M RIGHT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT THE FINANCIAL SYSTEM OTHER THEN THE FACT THAT IT BENEFITS YOU BECAUSE YOUR RICH

**Angel Schuyler -** Stop.

**TJeffs -** but he’s wrong.

**Little Lion -** he wont admit he’s wrong. **  
**

**Angel Schuyler -** I swear to god I will drive all the way back.

**Little Lion -** its like a 2 hour drive

**Angel Schuyler -** thats why I wouldn’t test my patients if I was you.

 **Angel Schuyler -** got it?

**TJeffs -** got it

**Little Lion -** yes ma’am 

**JMads -** thank you so much 

**Angel Schuyler -** Don’t worry I got u James

 **Angel Schuyler -** now hug it out or I’ll make upi wear the get along shirt

**Little Lion -** :(((((

**Angel Schuyler -** is it happening?

**JMads -** very begrudgingly but yes its happening

**Angel Schuyler -** how did it even start???

**JMads -** We're trying to do a project for our gov. class about the financial system

**Angel Schuyler -** oh yikes

**JMads -** this was their third argument in the last like hour

 **JMads -** im going crazy

**Angel Schuyler -** just separate them

**JMads -** Alex is insisting that we get it done now even though it's not due for like a month

**Angel Schuyler -** I'll pray for you

**JMads -** I need it

 **JMads -** oh no we have to keep working wish me luck

**Angel Schuyler -** luck

**…**

**Angel Schuyler -** how's it going @james

**JMads -** we thankfully got a break bc Lafayette called to say goodnight

 **JMads -** I think its almost over though so thats n o t good

**Angel Schuyler -** lmao how bad has it been?

**JMads -** they’ve only gotten into three small arguments in the last hour

 **JMads -** but luckily they were ended quickly

**Mario.A -** oh my god

**Lizard Schuyler -** you poor thing

**JMads -** thank you for your sympathy during this troubling time

**Angel Schuyler** \- of course

**Mario.A -** wait where am I sleeping tonight? No one ever told me

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh shit no one ever thought about that

**Angel Schuyler -** I mean you could sleep with Eliza but she has a twin bed

 **Angel Schuyler -** but you’d also be sharing with me and peggy

**Bebie Schuyler -** or you could sleep in the guest room. Its not like, super fancy but you and Susanna could either share one

**Little Lion -** Maria can’t sleep in a room alone in a new place it makes her anxious

**Mario.A -** don’t expose me like this

**Lizard Schuyler -** you can share with me then 

**Mario.A -** thank you

 **Mario.A -** but also where is my child sleeping? 

**Angel Schuyler -** idk she can sleep in our room or the three of you can share a guest room or she can sleep in the little girls room

**Mario.A -** wjos in the little girls room?

**Bebie Schuyler -** literally the three girls that are children

 **Bebie Schuyler -** so one of the triplets cornelia 2 and catherine

**Mario.A -** can I ask her?

**Angel Schuyler -** yeah

**Bebie Schuyler -** just gonna remind you of this. Angelica and I will also be in the room.

 **Bebie Schuyler -** be pg

**Mario.A -** wtf

**Bebie Schuyler -** MY ROOM IS RIGHT NEXT TO ELIZAS I HEAR E V E R Y T H I N G YOU ARE N O T QUIET

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh my god.

**MWash -** OH MY GOD YOU SENT THAT AT THE PERFECT TIME GEORGES OLDER BROTHER HAS HIS PHONE AND HERE EYES JUST FLEW OPEN WHEN SHE WAS THAT NOTIFICATION

 **MWash -** she looks so shook

**Mario.A -** oh god.

**Bebie Schuyler -** oh my god I'm so sorry gwashs brother

**Lizard Schuyler -** this is the worst moment of my life I'm meeting myself into the sun

**Angel Schuyler -** I was not involved I share none of this embarrassment hello Martha

**MWash -** hello angelica

**Angel Schuyler -** hows your trip

**MWash -** it's been really good so far we've gotten to spend time with both our families

 **MWash -** but at the same time I'm glad I don't live here all the time

**Angel Schuyler -** I can feel that with my entire soul 

**MWash -** like I love them and I love seeing them all but if I saw them every day I would D i e

**GWash -** HE JUST GAVE ME MY PHONE BACK AND TOLD ME TO REEVALUATE MY PRIORITIES AND THE PEOPLE I TALK TO

 **GWash -** LIke shut the fuck up Lawrence I do what I want

 **GWash -** oh I see why he said that now wtf I didn't not need to know that

**Bebie Schuyler -** I didn't either.

**Lizard Schuyler -** stop bullying me like this

**Bebie Schuyler -** then stop scarring my innocent mind

**Lizard Schuyler -** bitch

**Mario.A -** okay in her defense we have done some very Not pg13 things when we thought she was asleep

**Bebie Schuyler -** Ive heard a l l of it

 **Bebie Schuyler -** I can literally never look either of you in the eyes again

**Angel Schuyler -** it can't be that bad why don't you just put in head phones and ignore it or something

**Bebie Schuyler -** it is that bad your bedroom is far away you can't talk I have literally worn headphones with the volume high and I can still hear them

**Angel Schuyler -** alright new up proposition. I'm willing to switch rooms with Liza

**Lizard Schuyler -** if it saves me from t h i s conversation ever happening again I'll so it

 **Lizard Schuyler -** plus maria can be closer to susanas room

**Angel Schuyler -** okay cool we'll move all the stuff when we move maria in

**Bebie Schuyler -** oh thank god sweet baby Jesus

**Little Lion -** lmao I can attest Eliza and Maria do the do a l o t

**Angel Schuyler -** hsdjalsndnwkkan

**JMads -** why do you know that?!?

**Little Lion -** Betsy and I have monthly Talks

**TJeffs -** Im leaving my life. Goodbye.

**Lizard Schuyler -** stop outing all my secrets like this

**Little Lion -** no

**Lizard Schuyler -** rude

**Little Lion -** actually we should probably get back to our project

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh thank god

**JMads -** lord save me

**MWash -** thank you I love y'all but I do n o t need to know that much about y'all

**Bebie Schuyler -** yeet bye bitches

**Little Lion -** bye hoes

**JMass -** sometimes I regret every moment in my life that has brought me here

**TJeffs -** wow ur just really living it up with the emo answers

**JMads -** don't bully me like this

**…**

**Johnny Appleseed -** I'm finally allowed to s top for the day and I am d y i n g but no one cares

**Little Lion -** I care.

**Johnny Appleseed -** thank you

**Little Lion -** course boo

 **Little Lion -** have you eaten dinner yet?

**Johnny Appleseed -** my abuela is making it a n d all my siblings are here a N d my dad isn’t here

 **Johnny Appleseed -** Have you?

**Little Lion -**!!YaY!!

 **Little Lion -** James and Thomas are making it rn

**Johnny Appleseed -** I’m trying to bribe Henry to film marthas football game and he is fucking extorting me I hate children

**Angel Schuyler -** I can relate

**Johnny Appleseed -** this little fucker is trying to get me to give him like $100

 **Johnny Appleseed -** I give up I’m going to Polly

**Little Lion -** you trust a 7 year old to film an entire football game for you??

**Johnny Appleseed -** yeah polly is literally my bff she’s the best

**Lizard Schuyler-** she’s the same age as one of my little sisters

**Bebie Schuyler -** wait she is??

**Lizard Schuyler -** Cornelia 2 is seven years old.

 **Lizard Schuyler -** how dumb are you?

**Bebie Schuyler -** wait she’s 7?!!!?!!?!!??!?!!?!

 **Bebie Schuyler -** I thought she was 6

**Lizard Schuyler -** no thats Cortlandt

**Angel Schuyler -** w h a t 

**Angel Schuyler -** that can’t be right I’m asking dad

**Lizard Schuyler -** I promise you I’m right

**Mario.A -** how do y’all just not know your siblings ages

**Bebie Schuyler -** shut up you have like one brother we have like 9

**Mario.A -** still

**Angel Schuyler -** mom said Elizas right and also laughed at me for not knowing how old my siblings were

 **Angel Schuyler -** Also apparently Catherines three? I swore she was like, born last month

**Lizard Schuyler -** ha! Told you!

 **Lizard Schuyler -** and we have 8 brothers and like a fourth of them are names john

**Bebie Schuyler -** how do you know

**Lizard Schuyler -** I just counted lmao

**Little Lion -** y’all are ridiculous

**Johnny Appleseed -** THIS LITTLE HOE IS TRYNA EXTORTING ME FOR M O R E MONEY

**Angel Schuyler -** did you just call a 7 year old a hoe

**Johnny Appleseed -** like i walk up and i’m like “hey polly can you film marthas game for me” and shes all like “how much you gonna pay me” and i was like “idk like $10” and she was like “more” so i said 20 and she keeps making me go up we’re at like $130 this is ridiculous i hate it here

**Little Lion -** I love her.

**Bebie Schuyler -** a true icon of her generation

**Lizard Schuyler -** if she’s 7 she’s in your generation

**Bebie Schuyler -** I GOOGLED IT AND SHE WAS PROBABLY BORN IN 2013 WHICH MEANS SHE IS N O T IN MY GENERATION SHE’S GEN ALPHA

**Angel Schuyler -** haha so all y’all 90s kids who are millennials do you remember all those things we definitely had in the 90s that no one ever had ever again?

**Mario.A -** oh yeah those things!

**Johnny Appleseed -** I remember all those extra special things

**Lizard Schuyler -** yeah definitely

**Mario.A -** then gen z kids just don’t understand

**Little Lion -** I hate it here.

**Bebie Schuyler -** we’re literally like two years younger then y’all shut up

**Johnny Appleseed -** wow kids these days and their fowl language!

**Angel Schuyler -** I know right!

**Little Lion -** the widely accepted cut off for millenials was 1996 y’all don’t make the cut shut up

**Mario.A -** shh kiddo the big kids are talking

**Johnny Appleseed -** people haven’t fully agreed on that a lot of people still say its 2000 so shush it the fuck up Alexander

**Angel Schuyler -** ah yes, me and my 1998 millenial birthday is not here for those accusations

**Bebie Schuyler -** ELIZA WAS LITERALLY BORN IN 1999 NEITHER OF YOU ARE IN NO WAY 90S KIDS

**Lizard Schuyler -** I’m sorry what was that? I couldn’t hear it over all this 90s nostalgia that you both missed out on

**Bebie Schuyler -** I hate it here

**Little Lion -** I don’t have to stand here and take this bullying goodbye I hate you all

**Bebie Schuyler -** I’m going to go complain with Cornelia screw all of you

**Angel Schuyler -** this is one of the best perks of being the oldest

**Johnny Appleseed -** tbh can relate I do this to my siblings all the time

**Lizard Schuyler -** I love that I only have one older siblings to tease me its great I feel so bad for catherine

**Mario.A -** my brother and I just got in a lot of fist fight idk there wast really just teasing it was more of “imma fuck a bitch up” then we got arbys

**Angel Schuyler -** I remember peggys fighting phase no one was safe

**Lizard Schuyler -** those are repressed memories d o n ’ t bring them back up

**Johnny Appleseed -** oof my siblings and I kinda just like, protected each other before we got to move in with our abuela

**Mario.A -** oh yikes i’m sry

**Johnny Appleseed -** dw its fine

**...**

**Mario.A -** THERES SO MUCH FOOD I’M S C A R E D

**Lizard Schuyler -** we all know seeing as you’ve just been staring at it for the last minute

**Mario.A -** so. much. food.

 **Mario.A -** you’re dining table is literally two like 14 people dining tables pushed together

**Angel Schuyler -** are you okay?

**Mario.A -** t h e r e a r e s o m a n y o f y o u 

**Bebie Schuyler -** we know

**Lizard Schuyler -** come serve yourself

**Mario.A -** I-

**Lizard Schuyler -** I’ll do it go sit

**Mario.A -** w h e r e

**Lizard Schuyler -** ikd just pick a corner or something

**Mario.A -** s o m u c h f o o d 

**Bebie Schuyler -** I think we broke maria

**Angel Schuyler -** woops

**...**

**Little Lion -** why is thomas so god at making mac and cheese wtf it’s literally just craft mac and cheese but b e t t e r

**TJeffs -** a chef never reveals his secrets

**JMads -** I think that is a magician

**TJeffs -** shut up james let me have my moment

**Mario.A -** while you were eating mac and cheese I experienced a schuyler family dinner and let me tell you this. It was scarring.

**Lizard Schuyler -** it couldn’t have been that bad

**Mario.A -** I’m literally still in shock

**Little Lion -** rip maria

**Angel Schuyler-** okay susanna was literally the only child under 15 to willingly eat vegetables

**Little Lion -** and thats todays news on food insecurity

**JMads -** y’all concern me sm

**Mario.A -** its fineeeee

**Little Lion -** everythings fineeeee

**Lizard Schuyler -** thats fake but okay

**Little Lion -** oh my god Hercules is calling by losers

**Bebie Schuyler -** i feel, betrayed

**TJeffs -** he saw your message as he answered and said good

**Bebie Schuyler -** w o w 

**Lizard Schuyler -** oh yeah how you doin james?

**JMads -** there has only been one fight since its going good

 **JMads -** but also the schedule says alex has to go to bed at like, 11pm and I’m scared because he’s literally one of my best friends I k no w he will fight me

**Angel Schuyler -** good luck

**JMads -** I need it

**TJeffs -** okay they’re literally being disgustingly cute rn

 **TJeffs -** its terrible

**Mario.A -** what are they talking about?

**TJeffs -** Hercules is telling alex about the workshop thingy and alex his nodding and listening so intently and he has this dumb smile

**Bebie Schuyler -** stop bullying my son

**Mario.A -** god damn it you’re still doing that

**Bebie Schuyler -** yes and now I even have a !!grandbaby!!

**Mario.A -** oh my god

**Lizard Schuyler -** i’m tired as shit

**TJeffs -** its like 9pm

**Angel Schuyler -** yeah now that the children are in bed it feels way later than it actually is

**Mario.A -** Susanna was literally so happy to get to have a sleep over with catherine oh my g o d !! 

**Lizard Schuyler -** you’re adorable

 **Lizard Schuyler -** but also i’m about to pass out and I wanna go to bed

**Mario.A -** okay lets go

**Agnel Schuyler -** I’m going with you i literally can barely keep my eyes open sorry if hhyou wanted like, private time

**Bebie Schuyler -** ew.

**Mario.A -** one, Im literally half asleep, two, I would never even think about doing that in your fucking parents house like wtf angelica

**Lizard Schuyler -** thank god i’m so tired rn

**Angel Schuyler -** okay good

**Bebie Schuyler -** me and corn will be up in a lil bit she took fucking programming even thoug hshe sucks at programming so i have to help her

**Lizard Schuyler -** she hates it when you call her corn

**Bebie Schuyler -** well y’all called me meggy for the first like ten years of my life so she can suck it up

**Mario.A -** wait your nickname used to be meggy? 

**Bebie Schuyler -** yeah for margarita but then phillip couldn’t pronounce ms for the first like, year of him speaking and he called me peggy and it just kinda stuck bc it sounded better idk

**JMads -** wait your name is margarita?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Mario.A -** wait w h a t 

**TJeffs -** no way

**JMads -** I’ve literally been friends with you for h o w l o n g and I didn’t know your name was fucking margarita

**Bebie Schuyler -** shit.

**Angel Schuyler -** alright now that you’ve fucking Exposed yourself i’m gonnna sleep tell me how it goes

**Lizard Schuyler -** me to lmao good luck, night

**Bebie Schuyler -** wow. abandonment.

**JMads - I** need an explanation Margarita.

**Bebie Schuyler -** idk how to explain it it’s a family name or something 

**Mario.A -** why have you been going by peggy all this time maragrita is so much cooler sounding

 **Mario.A -** you just get to be like “yeah whats up my name is Margarita”

**Bebie Schuyler -** because no one ever believes me I used to get in trouble at school even though it was l i t e r a l l y ion official documents my parents literally had to bring two different copies of my birth certificate in when they registered me for kindergarten because the office staff didn’t believe them

**TJeffs -** I’m sorry but it’s Angelica, Eliza and Margarita??

**Mario.A -** eliza’s full name is elizabeth

**TJeffs -** since when??!!????

**Bebie Schuyler-** since, birth??

**JMads -** wait so its Angelica Elizabeth and Margarita

**Bebie Schuyler -** yes.

**JMads -** that isn’t much better your name is still margarita like it sticks out so much

**Bebie Schuyler -** I k n o w you don’t think I’ve had to deal with this my entire life

**JMads -** Oop-

 **JMads -** sorry i didn’t mean to seem rude

**Bebie Schuyler -** its fine, i gtg tho bc Cornelia literally looks like she’s about to cry over her homework

**JMads -** bye

**Mario.A -** i’m going to sleep elizas worm

**TJeffs -** bye

**Little Lion -** wow I missed all the drama

**JMads -** ha loser

**Little Lion -** w o w 

**Little Lion -** anyways, can we watch a movie or something??

**TJeffs -** yee go pick one out

**Little Lion -**!!YaY!!

**...**

**JMads -** we’re watching lemonade mouth and alex is literally crying wtf

**Little Lion -** More then a Band is emotional okay don’t bully me like this

**JMads -** oh my god.

**Johnny Appleseed -** this is the man I love.

**God? -** ^

**French Fry -** ^^

**God? -** wait Laf why are you up its like 3am for you

**French Fry -** I basically just took a kind of long nap I don’t want to have jet lag in classes 

**Johnny Appleseed -** oooooh

**JMads -** thomas go make the guest bedroom or something idk alex where do you want to sleep

**Little Lion -** the guest room is fine thank you

**God? -** he gets anxiety sleeping alone

**Little Lion -** You can’t just expose me like this

**TJeffs -** you literally did the same thing to maria earlier

**JMads -** cool thomas go clean our room

**TJeffs -** why do I have to do it

**JMads -** bc I’m comfy and you love me

**TJeffs -** damn it

**Little Lion -** its fine dw i can sleep in the guest bedroom its okay

**JMads -** shut up you’re sleeping in our room and we’re gonna cuddle and its going to be great

**Little Lion -** that does sound kind of apealing though

**TJeffs -** wait would that affect our status as mortal enemies??!?

**Little Lion -** oh shit I didn’t think about that

**French Fry -** you are both so dramatic

**JMads -** I hate my life.

**TJeffs -** this is important

**God? -** its really not

**JMads -** I’ll just sleep in the middle or something idk just don’t do,,,,this,,,,,

**Little Lion -** fine.

**TJeffs -** fine.

**Johnny Appleseed -** @laf how was your day yesterday? 

**French Fry -**!! It was good !!

 **French Fry -** well minus the whole “family i never knew existed only wanting to talk to me and form a relationship with me bc I have a lot of inheritance” like where the fuck were you when I need a h o m e as a child

 **French Fry -** but seeing Adrienne was g r e a t I missed her she’s literally the platonic love of my life

**God? -** awh!!

**French Fry -** how were your siblings?

**Johnny Appleseed -** so great i literally love and missed them sm!!

**God? -** awh!!

**...**

**JMads -** okay i’m sorry but he literally fell asleep exactly when the credits started wtf it was literally perfect timing

**Johnny Appleseed -** idk its a skill or something

**French Fry -** it scares me tbh

**JMads -** do we just, carry him to bed??

**French Fry -** yeah thats probably your best bet he hates waking up 

**TJeffs -** I have expertise in this area.

**JMads -** he literally just cracked his knuckles wtf

 **JMads -** in other news, we’re gonna go to bed, goodnight y’all

**Johnny Appleseed -** night

**French Fry -** goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> Hey okay so I have s o m u c h school work rn and I will continue to have a lot of work so I'll probably only be able to post once a month ish? Sometimes twice? I'm sorry that its not that often but I have another story that I don't want to have to abandon either and schools a bitch and I have to get good grades bc I have to get into college bc i'm poor and yeah so that's fun anyways thank you for your patience or not patience honestly I get if your annoyed and you can tell me so in the comments. Literally yell at me its fine.
> 
> But anyways thank you all for the kudos and comments they make my day. Yet again, tell me how your week or month was in the comments, y'all're important to me
> 
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> \- Becca from beyond the Grave  
> <333


End file.
